Thursday, January 15, 2009

A visit...

I went grocery shopping today. I hit Trader Joes and they had flowers I just couldn't pass up. I bought their lucky ladybug bouquet and took them up to my girl. This is my first visit to the cemetery since we went there for Hadley's interment. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to go by myself. I suppose it was productive to get a good healthy cry out...but,the 20 minutes in the car trying to pull it together so I could drive home was a bit much. The groundskeepers were all in the area cleaning up while I was there. I'm sure they've seen their fair share of mourning but, I'm sure that they were wondering what institution I escaped from.

As I stood there, staring at my daughter's niche in total disbelief, gun shots started booming...then I heard Taps playing. A hero was being laid to rest. Being in that cemetery is an overwhelming experience. Not only is my sweet baby girl there but, you can't help but feel humbled and grateful by all the heroes who sacrificed so much for our country.

I also wanted to add that the reason Brandon's name is on the niche marker is that he is her 'sponsor'. She is in Willamette National cemetery because he is active duty military. Each veteran/active duty member is entitled to burial and the burial of one 'dependent' in a national cemetery. So, in theory, he would be buried there with her...and he is the reason she is able to be buried there. So, there's the explanation for those that may have wondered.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, love and support. I truly don't know how we'd make it through without every person God has placed in our lives.

7 comments:

Dawnette said...

What an incredibly hard day! I pray God brings you some peace. I am thankful you got to hear "Taps", that always gives me the goosebumps - such pride and honor in that song. Praying for you.

shauna Wagner said...

good cries are always good. i wish i could give you a big hug. i miss her- it's weird- i find myself telling people about her all the time. i can only imagine how you feel. i'm sorry! i wish there was more but, that's it. Sorry. i love you friend. hug your boys and man and tell them we love them too.

Kathy said...

Part of moving past grief is facing the tears and the rage.

I'm glad you had a chance to express some of it.

Hang in there, mama Fox. I know your girl is proud of you.

Amanda: said...

Oh Mama Fox, that must have been agony!! Thinking of you guys all the time.

Zach and Beth said...

Ang, what a hard thing for you to do alone. I'm glad you were able to express your grief. I'm sure it was somewhat therapeutic. Know that we are still praying for you all.

And thank you for that sweet memory of Hadley with the chocolate chips. That is so funny. I couldn't help but laugh through the tears.

Love to your and yours.

The Coatney's said...

i love you. i never know what to say. i'm constantly thinking of you and your family. i wish i would have gotten to be with you guys more when you were here. you're amazing ange. always have been

bella1021 said...

Shivers and goosebumps!!!

hugs!!