Hope...

Since ending chemotherapy in March 2011 I have been waiting and waiting for my body to feel 'back to normal'. Even a LITTLE better would have been great. Instead it feels like my health just continues to decline. I did have a brief honeymoon period where I didn't feel like I wanted to die anymore...so there was that. I felt like a survivor, in a bad way. I was ONLY surviving...and waiting. Any work I did to try and help my body backfired on me and I'd wind up feeling even worse. Then, several weeks ago I got a headache. It hasn't gone away since. Not for a single minute. Well, if I take vicodin I can't feel it but that only lasts about 3 and a half hours...then it starts creeping back up on me. I wake up every morning with a pounding headache, no energy, and feeling like I've been hit by a truck. My joints hurt, my head hurts...mostly my heart hurts. I'm not the mom I want to be when I feel this way. I'm not the anything I want to be right now. I've had a head CT, I've whined to every one of my many specialists...and nothing. They just look at me like "Hey, we saved your life....Yay me!" I don't want it to sound like I'm not grateful. I am. I am SO grateful...it would just be such a waste to spend this reclaimed life on the couch or in bed in pain and dysfunctional. Right? For the first time in a looooong time I had no hope. None. On Wednesday I did what every slightly sane, totally desperate person would do. I listened to a friend who'd been asking me to try her Chiropractor/Applied Kinesiology Practitioner. I made a same day appointment, went, endured the quite calming (almost soothing, really) testing and was amazed at what this person could tell me about my body in such a short amount of time. The appointment length was limited though, so I had to go back today for a follow up. This is what I learned (in a nutshell). Here is the brief run down of today's appointment. I started 3 supplements and a topical wheat germ oil for all my scars. Her belief is that my thyroid is in an auto-immune shut down (Hashimoto's Disease). We're going to try and help it heal and kick start it. I have an appointment with my regular primary care doc on Monday. My hope is to have him follow my care and work WITH my Applied Kinesiologist. I'm hopeful that I'll be feeling better soon! My list of 'stressed' organs are: Cerebellum, Thyroid, Adrenals, Ascending Colon and...yeah I know there's one more but can't remember now. Woops. We're starting with the Thyroid anyway. Th etheory is that you fix/help support the issues in the order of 'importance', instead of trying to fix everything at once. The idea is that as your body gets healthier and stronger some of the systems will begin correcting themselves. Let's hope anyway. Here are the supplements she sent me home with (all are made by Standard Process): http://www.livestrong.com/article/484968-what-does-thytrophin-pmg-do-for-your-body/ http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=152 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=127 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=105 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=157 I was also asked to avoid processed foods, Wheat, Corn, Dairy (except butter), and the biggie...SUGAR! ACK. She seems pretty down to earth about it and knows it'll be a challenge and a process to wean off...especially the sugar. I know I can do it...especially if it'll help me feel better...but DANG! No cheese AND no sugar? *POUT* My next appointment with her is on Wednesday afternoon. If I have any late breaking news before then I'll update, if not, you can expect an update Wednesday night or Thursday. I need some wine. I wonder how that'll mix with my whole food supplements?

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Day One.

Happy New Year!  My biggest resolution this year is to make the effort to form a better connection with my friends and family.  I really need to invest in the people I love and who love me.  Part of that will be keeping this blog up to date.  The boys are growing quickly and while our life feels pretty mundane most of the time...well, time keeps ticking away and before we know it this chapter of our lives will close.  I plan to participate in Project 365.  You take and post a photo a day.  From what I understand it can be of anything...so long as you take and post one.


The biggest part of this resolution, though, is to spend more face or phone time with all of you.  While I love keeping up with my people on FB, blogger, text etc. I'm not loving that it's taken the place of real life relationship.  The people I love are important to me.  Important enough that I will MAKE the time for you.  At some point people stopped calling/checking in/visiting etc.  Most people had good intentions...not wanting to bother us during really hard times of our lives.  Regardless, I feel disconnected and lonely.  I'm done wondering why, feeling neglected and/or blaming.  I'm making the time and effort to change a part of my life I don't like.  I need my people.  Period.

Why am I sharing this instead of just doing it?  Good question.  Accountability and help.  I need you to hold me accountable.  I also may need help getting back in to the habit of being connected.  At the risk of sounding pathetic, I'm pretty self conscious and don't want to 'bug' people or force a relationship that they don't desire.  So, help me out and call me, invite me to coffee, or even our family to a BBQ/gathering/etc.

Last, but never least, I feel like I need to thank all of you again for loving our family through these last several years.  If you're still around, you've seen us through a lot.  We've spent most of the past 10 years in survival mode.  It's hard to invest in anything when you're struggling to keep your head above water.  If you're still here, loving us, thank you.

Let's make this year beautiful.  Mmmm'kay?

Win a Cricut...

http://www.favecrafts.com/sweeps/Cricut-Expression-2-Anniversary-Edition-Giveaway#

I am the proud owner of a Cricut Cake.   Granted, because of my health issues I've yet to really get into using it.  Now that I'm feeling better I'm really wanting to use it, but my original intent was to buy a Cricut paper cutter as well.  I had every intention of coordinating greeting cards and baked goods with all the amazing Cricut cartridges.  Like most gals these days, though, I'm having a really hard time justifying squeezing a 'toy' into our tight budget.  Wouldn't it be SO fun to WIN one?  Yeah, I think so to.  You can't win if you don't enter.  Good Luck!

http://www.favecrafts.com/sweeps/Cricut-Expression-2-Anniversary-Edition-Giveaway#

Shamrocking...TEAM #9500.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=145622505498009


How to register:

Your team number is 9500.  Below are some instructions to help you assist your teammates in registering.  Please let me know if you have any questions.

Go to:

http://www.shamrockrunportland.com/

Click on the orange box that says:

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER ONLINE 
SHAMROCK HOODED SWEATSHIRTS FOR SALE, TOO

Select category:

Team Option - 15 or more $27.00

Don’t forget to check this box:

I understand and agree to the waiver and release*

JUST CLICK CONTINUE ON THIS PAGE:

If you have a Discount Code, please enter it here:

Fill out all your registration information and don’t forget to put your team number here:

Team Registration Number* (Children age 12 and younger can be on a Team if the team has at least 15 members who are age 13 or older).

Blog on the back burner...

A HUGE thanks goes out to DragonLeaf .
http://www.dragonleafphotography.com/

So many things are on the back burner right now.  To be quite honest I'm not even sure if we HAVE front burners at this point.  :)  Mama's chemo schedule (if your head is spinning visit: www.ChemoMom.blogspot.com)is taking up a little more time each cycle.  Thankfully we're almost half way through!  YES!

 Mama's super proud of her 3 favorite guys.  They've adjusted well to not being able to lean on mom quite so much these days.  That, in big part, is because their daddy has stepped up in a big way for them.  *swoon*  Really, these people I've been blessed with are amazing.  Even my Hadley, who has been gone nearly 2 years, is still blessing me.  Feeling the way I do...wanting to call it quits...being stretched way too thin...makes me a scosh grumpy.  Then, I think of my amazing girl...her crooked smile, her love of people, the pure joy she found in the simplest things, how tough she was when we had to put her through hell to try and save her.  I fall WAY short of the example she set but, I can strive.  These four people make this mama better.

To backtrack a bit...we had a good, busy, crazy summer.  The boys spent nearly a month with G'ma and G'pa Fox.  Mama's surgery and cancer diagnosis was something they wanted to be FAR from.  So, they sought refuge at G'ma's house.  :)  Mama wishes she could have run away too.

We moved out of Portland and into the 'burbs.  This move took place days after my release from the hospital following major abdominal surgery removing large portions of my colon and small intestine...and just before Brandon's L4/L5 fusion, so we were both restricted to lifting no more than about 10-15 lbs.  Needless to say we hired movers.  We did all the packing and prep (with the help of a few loyal and amazing friends and family members) and then left all the heavy lifting for the pros.  The bill at the end of moving day nearly put me in shock...but, was SO worth it.  That move put us in a much better neighborhood, a much bigger single family home (with a yard), and a great school district/neighborhood school for the same amount of money we were paying in the city for a townhouse. We decided, prior to this move that it was time to move the boys to public school.  So far we have had a wonderful experience.  The boys have adjusted well and are thriving in their new environment.  We are pleased with their teachers and the amount of time and energy they are putting into the education of EACH child.   I really feel like this move was absolutely best for our family.  <3

The boys started school on September 7th.  Keegan is in 3rd grade, Liam is in 1st.  This is quite unbelievable to me.  These crazy guys have grown up SO fast.  They are loving school.  Their favorite parts of the day are riding the bus and recess.  Surprise!  *snort*  They're both making new friends and are enjoying the change.

Just after school started Mama started Chemo and The Mister had his surgery.  Thankfully, for all parties involved, Gramma drove out and stayed for almost two weeks to help and keep us sane.  I'm fairly certain we still owe her a FULL day at a spa to help her recover.  <3  The Mister's surgery went exactly as planned and he was home in record time.  He's been a trooper and a half...and has had to do way more around the house than he probably should have.  His next follow up is on Monday.  He'll have Xrays and find out what the next several weeks will look like for him.  His brace may be dc'd, he may be going back to work etc.  We'll see what the good doc has to say about his films.  I'm still not breathing exactly right...not until he gets the 'all clear' that his back problem is 'fixed' and he's fit for full duty.  I'll update next week on this.

In mid October I was able to fly to Northern Idaho for five glorious days with my bestie.  Her friend Jennifer and I threw her a Halloween theme baby shower for Littlest Sister.  It was so fun!  Plus, I got to lay around and be lazy with my bestie (she's on modified bed rest...and I'm a lazy slob).  I loved the slower pace of this trip.  Getting to spend some 'quiet' time with her kiddos was so nice.  I fell like I haven't been able to do that since we all moved.  It was nice to reconnect.  This girl is an amazing mama...and it shines in her kids...even when they're making her crazy.  ;)  I love you friend, and can't wait for the next visit...but, will, so let's keep that baby baking...M'kay?!?

Halloween/Fall 

It's always way more fun to just show you pics of this time of year.  ;)

Liam's field trip to Liepold Farms.  

Pumpkin Carving.  Liam's a scosh too excited.

That's better...

Keegan showing an appropriate amount
 of anticipation.

Thar be the pumpkin guts.

The Mister and the boys making messes
and loving every minute.

Murphy had to get in on the fun.
He's a ferocious Shark.

The Mister always knew The Mama needed
a Witch hat...now it's finally happened.  <3

My guys on Halloween Night.  <3

Halloween Party Night.
Because we value cake in this house.
Maybe a little too much.  ;)

Liam 11/1/10
Perseverance Award

Our last 'order of business' is honoring Mr Liam.  He was given a Character Education Award for the month of November.  The character trait is Perseverance.  In the assembly some of the students helped to define perseverance as:  Never giving up, trying again and again and again, and always keeping on going.  That sounds like my boy to me.  <3  We love you and are so proud of you little man.  You are SO wise for your age.

Liam receiving his award from his
Principle.

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I Just Won 50 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com