Monday, February 2, 2009

Broken.

Today I have no picture,cute story, funny joke or tasty recipe. My heart just hurts. I miss my girl. I miss every last bit of her. I feel wrong and out of place without her. I am really and truly trying to keep going. Most of the time I succeed. The rest of the time is ugly. I really never knew a person's heart could ache like this...

Baby bug, mommy misses you so, so much. I hope and pray every day that heaven is everything you dreamt of and more. I pray that you aren't missing us like we're missing you. I pray there are babies everywhere and lots of chicken 'meat nuggets'. Have you met Gramma Fox yet? I'll be you two are having fun eating cookies and getting to know each other. I'm sure she was pleased to finally get to hug on you. =) Have you and Honey been playing baker lady and snuggling babies together? Is Papa still trying to scare little kids with spooky faces and being grumpy when Honey spoils you? How are Gramma Bubbles, Papa and Mama's daddy? Are you and Stevie having lots of fun? You wanted to be a teenager so bad. Do you get to be a teenager and hang out with Stevie? Do you two giggle about boys and act silly? Have you gotten to hold baby Hannah Joy yet? How about Dave, have you seen him? Did you tell him how much his family misses him and give him a big hug?

My heart is broken baby girl. I miss you leaning your face inclose to mine and tilting your cheek towards my lips and waiting for me to kiss it. I miss your crooked smile. I miss shopping for clothes for you. I miss your silly little jokes and how you thought they were the funniest thing EVER. I miss everywhere we went seeing people's faces light up when they saw you. You made so many people smile sweet girl. You brought a lot of love into our lives. We miss you so much. So, so much.


*sigh*

16 comments:

Amber said...

I saw the most beautiful pink sunset this evening, and said a prayer for your family. We continue to pray for you guys, Angela.

(((hugs)))

Flo said...

Sending so much love up to Hadley and to you, Mama Fox.

Amanda: said...

Oh Mama Fox, that brings tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am holding you in my heart and I think of you every single moment.

Jason and Samantha said...

You are all in my prayers and thoughts.

(hugs) mama.

Anonymous said...

Mama Fox, I have been thinking of and praying for you and your family daily.(((HUGS)))

Cheryl from CC's

Dawnette said...

Even in your hurt and brokenness, you are amazing. Your honesty to your daughter is very beautiful. Your questions brought tears to my eyes. I only pray you can feel her answer and that God brings you peace on those really horrible and ugly days. Love you and praying for you.

Zach and Beth said...

Angela, we continue to hold you and your family in our prayers. We think of you often and speak of your love and the hope you shared with all of us.

Mom said...

Ange,

I just can't imagine she hasn't done those things and more.
She was amazing, as are you. Even in your broken heartedness your love for her just pours out. The love you had for each other will never cease Angela and the reunion will be ever so sweet.
I am praying for peace that passes understanding.
I love you,
Mom

bella1021 said...

Ang-
I continue to pray for you and your heart... I do hope that Had is doing all those things!

Hugs

Kathy Hooper said...

Praying for you all, Angela. I'm sure Hadley's heaven is all the things you described and more, and I'm sure she's sticking close by you as well during these tough days.

Anonymous said...

Those pink skies that we are all seeing are proof that Hadley is okay, we are thinking of you and praying for you all~
The Allan Family

Sue said...

Angela I wish I could fix your heart; I wish I could say things that would make your sorrow leave but I can't; I wish I could bring your princess home even if it were for just one more touch but I can't. I can pray for you and only wish peace will fill your heart.

Shelbie Bible (CC) said...

You are all in our prayers. I pray each night that the Lord will help your hurting heart and let you know that Hadley is with Him now.

Many, many hugs.

shauna Wagner said...

i am so sorry friend!!
i wish i could hug you and cry with you.
i love you!

Anonymous said...

I too wish I could hug you! Words fail me when I think about what you have been through, and how honest and strong you have been. God has worked wonders through this... teaching so many poeple about faith, hope and love. Be broken. Cry when you need to! You lost your girl... have bad days! Don't give into them, but have them Just know you are in His arms and our hearts! You are wonderful, my dear friend. Truly WONDERFUL! What an honor it is for you to have Hadley. But Hadley has an amazing Mama!

The Roaming Bilderbacks said...

Many thoughts and prayers are continuously going up for you and your family.