Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Keegan (2 1/2), Liam (11 mos.) and Hadley (4) in October, 2004.
Liam (almost 5), Hadley (8) and Keegan (6 1/2) October, 2008.
I love these kids so much. SO much. Hadley has taught me so much about life and love, strength and gentleness, perseverance and peace. She lived her life with so much beauty, grace and love. She never stopped amazing me. She amazed me up until her last breath. No, she continues to amaze me. She always will. My boys keep me going. I get out of bed and face a nearly unbearable amount of pain every day because I love them so much. There is no way I could ever contribute to their heartache. I have committed to living my life well in honor of my girl but, I am reminded every day that my boys are the ones who need me. They need to see me living and enjoying life to it's fullest. I am afraid. I am terrified. I am heartbroken. I cry. I am sad. BUT, I WILL live. I WILL love. I WILL enjoy the life I've been blessed with. I can't let this grief overwhelm me.
Brandon and I will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary on the 17th. I loved him so much when we got married. I had no idea how much we would face. How much we would grow. How much our love would grow. He works so hard and then is expected to give so much of himself at home. We have literally spent hours a week with him for the past few months. His work schedule is such that he stays overnight at work several days a week. On top of his 48-72 hour shifts he's been there on his 'days off' as well trying to get caught up from all his time off with Hadley. Then he has a basket case for a wife and two boys who need more from him now than they ever have before. I have leaned on him for help with things that I have done on my own for our entire marriage. He has been so strong and so amazing. I don't know how he balances everything but, he has and I am so thankful and proud. He loves me so much more than I deserve.