A grateful gripe...

Ok so the gratefulness and the gripe are kind of separate but, for some reason that little oxymoron was stuck in my head. So, there ya go. You're welcome.

First, thank you. Thank you friends, family, loyal readers and supporters (BOTH of you *snort*) for your thoughts and prayers during the past several months. December was hard. My surgery that shouldn't have been a big deal...and then was. The deep vein thrombosis that turned into multiple DVT's. My stubborn blood that refused to anti-coagulate. Bed rest. More bed rest. Oh, are you doing better, could it be?...oh, no...more bed rest. That, believe it or not was the easy part. December 12th marked the one year anniversary of our sweet girl's death. We spent Thanksgiving and the entire Christmas season without her. We welcomed the second year that she never lived in. I had really hoped that January was the turning point. Starting January 1st we would shake off the funk that December brought and get well...and happy...and I would return to school. Everything was moving in the right direction. Then...

January 3rd Hadley's Pop Pop, my mom's husband, was killed in an accident while on duty with the Grant County Sheriff's Office. He was killed immediately. Thank you for surrounding my mom, step brothers and all of our family in your prayer and love. Please continue to do so. Grief is hard, hard work.


Now, so as to make myself look like a total jerk I'm going to complain and say that I am ToTALLY ready for my doctor to clear me for exercise again. I don't even care if it's low impact. I would settle for walking on a treadmill or water aerobics. Seriously. I have gained an ungodly amount of weight in a ridiculously short amount of time. I am back near my heaviest weight ever. It's really hard to face this and not feel like I've failed myself.

I have a follow up appointment with my hematologist on 2/18/10 (Thursday) to, hopefully, get the results of all the blood work they did and to repeat my CBC and talk about treatment options for my anemia and overall crappy blood counts. They were looking for a suspected blood disease/disorder that could be causing the clots and/or the resistance to treatment. There was brief mention of "the C word" but, I ignored that entirely. *wink*

So, there are my thanks, my gripes and my plea for further prayers.

Have a happy Valentine's Day. DOn't take your loved ones for granted. Take this Hallmark created day to let your loved ones just how much you adore them...even if you don't spend a dime...ESPECIALLY if you don't spend a dime. Love your people!!!

Prayers.

My mom's husband died in an accident while on duty last night. He was a Grant County, Wa Sheriff's Deputy. Very little is known about what happened yet. Please keep both my mom and John's sons and our entire family in your prayers. Thank you so much.

(Hadley and Pop Pop. Summer '05.)

2010.

Hello, and happy new year! We managed to survive the holidays. This was our second Christmas without our girl. The pain was different this year. In many ways it cut a lot deeper. That first Christmas Hadley had only been gone for 2 weeks. We were still in such shock. Anyway, we survived. She was missed every single minute but, we take great comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain and with the only being who can love her more perfectly than we can.

First, thank you for your prayers for our marriage. After much reflection and soul searching Brandon and I decided that it is in everyone's best interest for us to give our marriage the chance it deserves to survive. We are working on ourselves as individuals and on our marriage as a couple. We have a lot of work to do, both individually and together but, we are determined to grow closer through this. We thank you for your thoughts and prayers during this time. We both have so much on our plates, emotionally. Parenting our boys and aiding in their grief process, our own grief, personal growth and investing in and repairing our marriage. Exhausting but, like I said, we're determined.

Liam turned 6 on November 17th. Where does the time go. Wasn't Liam JUST 'baby Liam'? *tear* He is doing wonderfully in Kindergarten. He is a good friend and is meeting and surpassing all academic expectations. He was rewarded for displaying the character quality of FAITH this school year. We are so proud of him. He's really growing into quite the little man. A mischievous little man but, a man nonetheless.

Keegan will be 8 in just a few weeks (Jan 18th). Again, I just can't believe it. Sometimes when I'm watching them play I just sit and shake my head because I can't believe how much they've grown. Keegan is doing well at school too. His reading/comprehension scores are well beyond his grade level at 98 words per minute. He is reading chapter books with ease and fast enough that we are going to have to start accessing the library more often, or buy stock in Barnes and Noble. ;) Keegan received the character award for displaying INTEGRITY. Again, we are so proud of him. He is a very kind hearted young man and such a blessing.

Brandon is a coxswain at the station now. This means, basically, that he is in charge of a crew and drives the boats. He is responsible for responding to calls and his crew. He worked hard for quite some time for this. It is also a big step toward his next promotion. I am very proud of all his hard work. He is really enjoying this billet and seems to have found his niche.


As many of you know I've had some health issues recently. On December 4th I had a very simple knee repair surgery. My lateral meniscus was torn and needed to be cleaned up. The surgery went exactly as expected and was successful. A few days after surgery, though, I was in the ER with a lot of pain and swelling in my calf. I was diagnosed with a DVT (deep vein thrombosis or blood clot in a deep vein). I was started on blood thinners (and pain meds) immediately. Over the course of the rest of the month my dose of blood thinners was raised repeatedly but, lab work continues to show that my blood is still at a very high risk of clotting. Late in the month I developed two more DVT's (for a total of 3), this time at the knee and in my thigh. Currently I am on both an oral and subcutaneous injection blood thinners(for those in the medical field I'm up to 9mg/day of coumadin and 240mg/day Lovenox). I am on bed rest to prevent a pulmonary embolism and am at the doctor's office every other day for labs and doctor's visits to monitor and adjust everything. I have been restricted from driving because of the risk involved with my using my leg and the clots there...and also the danger involved with a pulmonary embolism happening while I'm behind the wheel (both to me and my passengers and the cars and pedestrians around me). For whatever reason, despite heavy doses of anticoagulants I am still at a high risk to develop more clots (last pro-time lab was 1.13). Please keep us in your prayers where this is concerned. I would really love to avoid any more clots, any complications with the coumadin and lovenox (meds) and, obviously, a pulmonary embolism would be a real pain too. Please pray for Brandon as he cares for the boys and I. Pray for my doctors as they care for me. Be thankful with us for the graciousness of Brandon's command. I am trying my best to ignore the seriousness of this situation. I just refuse to acknowledge that our family could really be put through anything else...

I'll get some pictures up soon.

Faith, Hope and Love to you all. <3

Yes, Brandon and I are separated. That's about all most people need to know. The rest is between us. We are still great friends and there wasn't any huge drama. Yes, we realize we are grieving and no, we aren't making any huge decisions right now. Yes, we have talked about this with our boys and have encouraged them to ask questions etc. Our separation is not a secret but it IS a private matter. We ask that you respect that and pray for us. I assure you that God will know what we need even in you don't have all the details. ;)

Please understand that our hearts are broken, our lives have been up-heaved...and we need some time to help things settle. I'm sorry for being so blunt...and for the fact that many of you will find out about our separation this way. Please remember that we are trying to keep things positive for the boys. Little ears always hearing...so please choose your words carefully. The last thing either Brandon or I want is for the boys to hurt any more than they have already had to. We always have their best interest at heart in every small and large decision we make.

Thank you for your support during this difficult time.
Angela

Yes, Brandon and I are separated. That's about all most people need to know. The rest is between us. We are still great friends and there wasn't any huge drama. Yes, we realize we are grieving and no, we aren't making any huge decisions right now. Yes, we have talked about this with our boys and have encouraged them to ask questions etc. Our separation is not a secret but it IS a private matter. We ask that you respect that and pray for us. I assure you that God will know what we need even in you don't have all the details. ;)

Please understand that our hearts are broken, our lives have been up-heaved...and we need some time to help things settle. I'm sorry for being so blunt...and for the fact that many of you will find out about our separation this way. Please remember that we are trying to keep things positive for the boys. Little ears always hearing...so please choose your words carefully. The last thing either Brandon or I want is for the boys to hurt any more than they have already had to. We always have their best interest at heart in every small and large decision we make.

Thank you for your support during this difficult time.
Angela

Not ME...

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


First, and foremost, I am NOT blogging my Not Me Monday post a day late. Not Me. I am punctual. *wink*

When my five year old brought me an Instead cup out if it's wrapper this morning, inquiring as to what it was, I did NOT lie to him. I believe in being honest with your children and giving them accurate information on their level. I do not believe in lying to your children to save yourself time, embarrassment etc. at their expense. So, of course I didn't lie to my sweet, curious boy.

I did not allow my children to eat brownies for breakfast their first morning home from camp. I am firm in my rules because children thrive in an environment where they know what to expect and what is expected of them. I wouldn't offer my kids eggs and then walk out of the room with an open dish of brownies sitting on the counter when they balk at their other options. Furthermore, it certainly wasn't me who answered "I don't care...go ahead...just don't make a big mess..." when my angelic children actually foiled my plan of 'ignoring' the brownie situation by ASKING FOR PERMISSION to eat brownies for breakfast. I would never...nope, it wasn't me!

I did NOT go to the bank first thing this morning thinking it was the first of the month, and therefore pay day, and nearly have a heart attack when I saw our account balance. I am level headed and respond well to stressful situations. Not to mention the fact that I am all kinds of on top of things so, of course I know that the first, and pay day, is TOMORROW. I simply wouldn't make those mistakes. Not ME!

I did not go to Portland International Airport this morning bra-less, in sweats and with two children without shoes and in their jammies in tow. We all know that a good mom is ready for any situation no matter what time it is. This mommy would never do that...must have been someone else you saw because it certainly wasn't me!

So...all of you who think I am hiding a cape...Now you know the truth...Not Me! =)

Can't leave out the dishes...

So, now that we're figuring out how to save money in the laundry room let's move on to the kitchen. =) In retrospect I probably should have started there. It is a little simpler to make and would have helped you see that you CAN do it and it WILL work as good, if not better, than the expensive stuff with all the crazy chemicals etc. Blech. But, you all know I never do anything the way I should. *wink*

Here's the 'recipe':

1 cup borax
1 cup washing soda
3-5 drops of tea tree oil*

I put it all in an empty plastic container and shake it up. I put one tablespoon in each compartment (for a total of 2 tbsp per load).

*Optional-I did add this. I bought the natural 100% tea tree oil in the health food dept of Fred Meyer. It was about $10 for the little bottle but, it will last forever and has a ton of household uses. Everything from an all natural antiseptic for cuts/wounds to blemish control for your face and some companies add it to their shampoo to help keep the scalp as clean as possible and promote healthy hair growth. So, there you have it. =)


Now, if you love your rinse aid or have wanted to use one but, refused to spend even more money on detergents etc (like me) it's your lucky day. Remember the huge jug of white vinegar we bought for the laundry? Now, you can pour it in your rinse aid dispenser in your dishwasher. Trust me...you will be a happy little homemaker. =)


Now that we've saved so much money...what will we DO with it? Bwa ha ha ha. =) *snort*