How Are You?

The question everyone wants to ask, has asked and then immediately felt bad or has wondered and decided not to ask. "How are you?" I'll spare you all the agony of asking or contemplating asking. I'm just a good friend like that. =)

I am all over the place. Today has been a relatively bad day so usually I wouldn't be sharing...but, I feel like I'm more honest when I'm raw and hurting. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts that I'm not comfortable sharing yet. I have my moments of total panic, heartache, sadness, defeat, anger, physical illness and even entitlement. I'm sure all of these things are normal. The fact that they are doesn't make me feel any better or any more normal for that matter. I feel like our family, our situation, our lives and our losses are totally unique. I know that isn't true but, it feels that way. It makes me really, truly heartsick to acknowledge that SO many other families have traveled a path quite similar to ours.

Normally, next week we'd be doing an MRI to check on the tumors...this has been our schedule for the past 2 years now. I think my body is preparing for it even though it's not happening this time around. Another peds brain tumor parent shared a similar feeling a few weeks ago. I totally understand what he was saying now. At the moment my emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm fine...the next, watch out. I'm a mess.

For, the most part though I am doing well. We are focusing on having FUN. There is no point in wasting days away being sad and trying to anticipate the future. Hadley makes it very easy to live in the now and enjoy every moment of it. In my quiet moments though, I am often scared, sad, lonely, etc.

The boys have a healthy grasp on what is happening. They know that Hadley's tumors are growing and that she will eventually die. They understand, as much as they can, what it means to die. I do purposely allow myself sad moments with them so that they understand that it is OK and normal and encouraged to express their feelings. One area that we do need to work on is encouraging people to shower them with love and kindness. Hadley is getting 'spoiled' from all directions. Everybody wants to help make magic for her (rightly so). But, we do need to remember that the boys are only 4 and 6 and need a little extra 'loves' during this too. So, we are going to try and make one on one 'date' times for the boys with Brandon and I.

Overall...I feel like we are all living well. We are making the most of the days we have. There is a lot of pain below the surface...but, we're dealing with it as we can.

Thanks for checking in on us. Please make sure to visit Hadley's site for pics and more detailed day to day type updates. www.HadleyFox.com

Short, not sweet.

Hadley's team in Seattle and I have decided that it is time for a new chapter in her journey. We will be contacting Doernbechers this week to enroll in their comfort care program. Our doctors have given us a guesstimate of another 6-12 months with our sweet girl. Enrolling in this program will allow us to spend as much time as possible having fun and staying away from the hospital (it is a home care program).

Hadley is such a gift that we HAVE to focus on the joy she brings to our lives and not the heartbreak we are feeling. She honestly makes it hard to be too sad. She loves life so much. She has always done things her way and in her time...I am finally growing wise enough to embrace this concept and enjoy life with her. =)

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayer. We truly appreciate every last one of you.

Please plan on joining us for Hadley's Annual Birthday Celebration. This year we'll be hosting a "Royal Ball" (think prom for an 8 year old with a Disney princess theme). =) Saturday, September 27th 2008. More details will follow.

Angela

Do you believe in magic?

Hadley still does! =)

Our sweet girl, Hadley, was born on September 27th, 2000. She was perfect and gorgeous and we were so thankful for her. After a few years of going around and around with doctors about something being 'wrong' we finally got a definite answer. Yes, there was something wrong (I wasn't losing my mind after all). Hadley was diagnosed on 4-22-04 at the age of 3 with a very large brain tumor. She has been on treatment for her tumor since then. In February of this year we got the news that she had relapsed. In addition to the original tumors on the right side of her brain, she now had tumor on the left side of her brain. The new tumor was growing much quicker than the original tumor areas. On May 30th we did another MRI that revealed even more growth and spread. The following week we, with her medical team, made the heartbreaking decision to end treatment and let Hadley have some magic in her life.

Hadley is a 7 year old little girl who loves life. She is happy and funny and loves to be the center of attention. She loves all things frilly and girly. She has a beautiful innocence that I am very envious of and grateful for

Hadley has two brothers Keegan (6) and Liam (4). They are great boys who have been wonderful brothers to Hadley. She loves them both dearly. I'm sure that the compassion and acceptance they have learned through Hadley's journey will carry them far in life.

Hadley's daddy, my husband, is a Petty Officer in the US Coast Guard. We'd love nothing more than to be able to grant Hadley's every wish while she is here with us. But, like most families these days, we are living paycheck to paycheck. If you are willing and able to help us give Hadley some magic we would be eternally grateful.

To learn more about Hadley and her family please feel free to visit: www. HadleyFox. com

Thank You So Much!!!

Angela Fox

What time is it? Summer Time...

If Brandon were sitting here his eyes would be rolling back in his head.  Hadley is on  a High School Musical 2 kick.  She loves this movie.  Adores it.  I don't know that Brandon could hate it any more than he does.  *ugh*  Even I have had the summertime song stuck in my head.  Maybe I'll add it to our music queue so you can enjoy it as well.  *snort*  

So, summer break is under way.  The kids are all out of school.  We are in Portland.  All of our household goods are in storage and we are technically homeless.  *snort*  We were supposed to be renting a house from some friends in Portland who had accepted a job in San Diego.  That job wound up falling through and now they are a couple weeks from the end of the application process with another church in SD.  So, we're sort of all hanging out in the house until we know what's going on.  Thankfully it's a 6 bedroom house so nobody's sleeping in the living room...yet.  =)  

I have been sick for a little over a week now.  It started out seeming like allergies but it wasn't long before I realized it was obviously not.  I am just now starting to get my voice back...but, it's still all Bonnie Rait-ish. Hopefully it'll be back to normal soon.  =)  I've never had a super feminine voice but, I really don't love sounding like an ultra heavy smoker...or a guy.  *ack*

Keegan is in swim lessons and loving it.  Hadley and Liam will be signing up soon.  Keegan's friend Aubrey was signing up for this session and I decided to let him take them with her.  He's been having so much fun and is so proud of his accomplishments.  =)

Liam, in true little boy fashion, is covered from head to toe in scrapes, scratches, bruises and scabs.  He is a total brut...until he gets hurt...then all he wants is his mama.  It's so hard being four.  Poor Liam.  

Brandon has reported to his new unit.  He's been there for a full work week now and is really impressed.  He's excited to get to work and complete his qualifications so he can start gaining responsibility.  I'm looking forward to the station schedule. He'll have a few weekdays off every week and will have every other Fri/Sat/Sun off.  The only downfall is that when he's working he's THERE.  No coming home/leaving the station etc.  So, I guess it'll kind of be like a business trip or two every week.  Except that when he's home...he's HOME.  =) I think it'll be nice...we'll see.

In case any of you missed it on Hadley's website...she was deemed "terminal" a few weeks ago.  I really hate that word but, it is what it is. We have no idea how long we have with her. I think we may do an MRI at the end of the summer if there isn't an obvious sign of decline.  But, she is on what the medical field calls "compassionate care".  Meaning that we have changed our focus from treating the tumors to keeping Hadley happy and comfortable.  Obviously this is a really hard time for our family.  We would appreciate all the prayers and love you can spare.  

Alright, I'd better wrap this up. 

Hadley Update...

Friday was MRI day for Hadley. It wasn't a good one. Please see her page for more details.

www.HadleyFox.com


Please pray for our girl!!!



Angela

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Brandon/Daddy!!! We love you so much. =)

Holy Cuteness Batman!

I did it! We had the kid's pictures taken for our moms for Mother's Day and I managed not to post them all over the internet before they got their packages! =)

I am so pleased with how they turned out. =)



These are just proofs...in the actual prints the edge of the backdrop is cropped out.





I had a few done of Liam alone because he was in a good mood and we didn't have any of him alone yet, this year. =)