This is an MRI image of my brain exactly nine months ago.  Shortly thereafter, it was removed and I was sent on my way.   Yesterday I had another series of images and a meeting with my amazing neurosurgeon.  I am thankful to report that the beast is still gone.  

There is a small area that we are keeping an eye on, but my surgeon is confident that it is scar tissue.  The other concern is recurrence.  Apparently meningiomas like to come back.  They grow from the lining of the brain, and even though that area was removed and replaced with artificial parts, there's always the chance of stray cells and recurrence.  For that reason I'll have regular imaging and follow up.

For now, we will be thankful for this gift.

Hope in a desert.

Sometimes you find hope in the most unexpected places.  I'm 'used to' searching out hope.  I've read books and articles on finding and identifying your hopes.  I've hoped in the darkest of times.  I never expected to find hope in a desert.  I did.

I recently took a trip to sunny Arizona.  It wasn't a vacation.  I was going to try and heal my very broken spirit.  I was going to confront a boy that had broken my heart, again.  I didn't want to go.  Confrontation is not one of my strong suits.  When I'm hurt deeply I'm much more comfortable bandaging my wounds securely and walking away.  This hurt was so deep, though, that I needed help even identifying where I was injured.  I was so broken I couldn't bandage myself this time.  Simply put, I went on this trip for my kids.  Period.  End of story.  I wasn't their mom in the weeks that followed my separation from Brandon.  I wasn't anything I usually am.  I was a broken heap of a human.  I knew I needed to heal and do better.  So, I went.

I spent five very full, very exhausting days at Family Week in the rehab Brandon has been at for the past 35 days.  I learned a lot about myself.  I learned a lot about what it's like to be human.  Not super human, not perfect...just human.  I learned about emotions and what it's like to actually experience them and the effects of NOT experiencing them...and how much damage that actually does.  I learned tools to begin to heal.  I felt empowered.  I was making progress toward my goals.

I never did have the opportunity to confront the boy that hurt me, though.  Believe me, I was looking for him the whole time I was there.  He just wasn't to be found.  I did have opportunities to confront a man.  A responsible man.  A caring and vulnerable man.  A man whose heart is broken, but open.  This man, though I call him my husband, is not a man I recognized but, by the end of the week I had grown to love him.

This new man left rehab today.  He is out in the real world to continue his healing process and to build a life for himself and his family.  I ask you to join me in praying for him.  The road ahead will not be easy.  Possible, there's always HOPE, but not easy.

For the time being, I am not filing for divorce.  The boys and I will remain in Oregon.  I will be on a healing journey of my own.  We will take this time to build ourselves up and heal.  This spring/summer we will reevaluate where we are and decide if marriage counseling and reconciliation is right for us.  For now, we are focusing on being a good parenting team for the boys and supporting each other in our individual growth and healing processes.

We will likely have a few visits between now and summer.  The first will be next weekend for Liam's birthday.  We also have plans to spend Christmas together as a family.  Please be prayerful for all of us but, especially for our sweet, tender-hearted boys. They've had to endure more than any child should and are still thriving.  Please pray for them to continue to grow and learn and for us, as their parents, to make the right choices for them and ourselves.  


Thank you.



*In the spirit of full disclosure, this is not the first time I have written this post.  I've had a few drafts and wasn't satisfied with any of them.  It took me a while to figure out what was wrong.  I realized this morning that I wasn't blogging or sharing myself.  I was writing a persuasive essay on my life and choices.  I'm an adult.  It's not my job to convince anyone that I am or am not making good choices.  What I'm trying to say is that while I appreciate and respect people's opinions and concerns they are theirs (yours) not mine.  This is not to say that I can't handle or don't want to hear them.  I am working on more open honest communication.  Any explaining I do, however, is simply to help those I love to not worry (as much) about  the boys and I.  I am not asking for approval.  I don't expect you to understand.  I know how messy this is.

Growing Up.

The boys are growing up so fast.  They are both doing really well in school.  I'm so proud of them. 

Liam Oliver

Grade 3

8 years

Keegan James

Grade 5

10 years

Moving Right Along...

It's been so long since I've updated here. So many changes. It would take me a month to catch up from my last post...so I'll just kind of hit the major bullet points.

Brandon's career with the Coast Guard ended in mid August. It was unexpected and happened very quickly...but that's not my story to tell, I guess. He was immediately offered a job with The Idaho Dept of Corrections, so we were on the move once again. Thankfully, we're old hats at the whole moving gig.

Just as we were really beginning to settle in, I found out that Brandon has been deceiving me in some pretty major ways for the past few years. I'll not go in to details here but, believe me when I say, this is not something that 'we' will heal from. It will take me quite some time to heal on my own, but I will. I am committed to it. He moved out the same day all hell broke loose. The boys are confused and miss their dad. It kills me that Brandon's choices are hurting my boys...hurting me. We've already lost so much...and now they're losing more. I know we'll be fine. I know they'll have a good life. I know that I can do this...but as certain as I am of that I am just as angry that I have to. I'm angry that my kids are hurting. I'm angry that such a major decision in my life was made for me...without my consent. I'm just angry. I'm taking the advice of those closest to me and using that anger to get me through these hard days.

Having said that...I have this really weird feeling. Maybe some of my fellow cancer/angel parents can validate this, but as big of a loss as this is/would be to others...it's...well, it's hard to put in to words without sounding calloused and jaded. Maybe I am those things, but this loss is not earth shattering. It's just something that is. My marriage is over. My house is broken. My heart is hurt. This will not destroy me, though. Not even close. I lost my girl and have survived it. I have laughed and dared to love following the biggest heart break of my life...so this, certainly, will not break me. I will thrive. I will do the work I need to do to heal and my life will go on. I will smile. I will find joy. I've got this.

The first order of business is moving back home. My family is in Oregon...and Brandon has decided against the job he was offered here and moved away...so the boys and I decided together that it is best for us to go home. My mom is, graciously, letting us stay with her while I find a job, figure out schooling etc. I'm so thankful for this gift. The boys are so excited...as Grammy has a little farm and property that they love to explore. So...this weekend we head back to Oregon.

I know there is a beautiful life waiting for us. I know it'll take work and a lot of determination, but I'm committed to it. The boys deserve it. I deserve it.

Please pray for us as we find a new normal...redefine family...learn how to navigate this new life of ours.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Hope...

Since ending chemotherapy in March 2011 I have been waiting and waiting for my body to feel 'back to normal'. Even a LITTLE better would have been great. Instead it feels like my health just continues to decline. I did have a brief honeymoon period where I didn't feel like I wanted to die anymore...so there was that. I felt like a survivor, in a bad way. I was ONLY surviving...and waiting. Any work I did to try and help my body backfired on me and I'd wind up feeling even worse. Then, several weeks ago I got a headache. It hasn't gone away since. Not for a single minute. Well, if I take vicodin I can't feel it but that only lasts about 3 and a half hours...then it starts creeping back up on me. I wake up every morning with a pounding headache, no energy, and feeling like I've been hit by a truck. My joints hurt, my head hurts...mostly my heart hurts. I'm not the mom I want to be when I feel this way. I'm not the anything I want to be right now. I've had a head CT, I've whined to every one of my many specialists...and nothing. They just look at me like "Hey, we saved your life....Yay me!" I don't want it to sound like I'm not grateful. I am. I am SO grateful...it would just be such a waste to spend this reclaimed life on the couch or in bed in pain and dysfunctional. Right? For the first time in a looooong time I had no hope. None. On Wednesday I did what every slightly sane, totally desperate person would do. I listened to a friend who'd been asking me to try her Chiropractor/Applied Kinesiology Practitioner. I made a same day appointment, went, endured the quite calming (almost soothing, really) testing and was amazed at what this person could tell me about my body in such a short amount of time. The appointment length was limited though, so I had to go back today for a follow up. This is what I learned (in a nutshell). Here is the brief run down of today's appointment. I started 3 supplements and a topical wheat germ oil for all my scars. Her belief is that my thyroid is in an auto-immune shut down (Hashimoto's Disease). We're going to try and help it heal and kick start it. I have an appointment with my regular primary care doc on Monday. My hope is to have him follow my care and work WITH my Applied Kinesiologist. I'm hopeful that I'll be feeling better soon! My list of 'stressed' organs are: Cerebellum, Thyroid, Adrenals, Ascending Colon and...yeah I know there's one more but can't remember now. Woops. We're starting with the Thyroid anyway. Th etheory is that you fix/help support the issues in the order of 'importance', instead of trying to fix everything at once. The idea is that as your body gets healthier and stronger some of the systems will begin correcting themselves. Let's hope anyway. Here are the supplements she sent me home with (all are made by Standard Process): http://www.livestrong.com/article/484968-what-does-thytrophin-pmg-do-for-your-body/ http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=152 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=127 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=105 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=157 I was also asked to avoid processed foods, Wheat, Corn, Dairy (except butter), and the biggie...SUGAR! ACK. She seems pretty down to earth about it and knows it'll be a challenge and a process to wean off...especially the sugar. I know I can do it...especially if it'll help me feel better...but DANG! No cheese AND no sugar? *POUT* My next appointment with her is on Wednesday afternoon. If I have any late breaking news before then I'll update, if not, you can expect an update Wednesday night or Thursday. I need some wine. I wonder how that'll mix with my whole food supplements?

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Day One.

Happy New Year!  My biggest resolution this year is to make the effort to form a better connection with my friends and family.  I really need to invest in the people I love and who love me.  Part of that will be keeping this blog up to date.  The boys are growing quickly and while our life feels pretty mundane most of the time...well, time keeps ticking away and before we know it this chapter of our lives will close.  I plan to participate in Project 365.  You take and post a photo a day.  From what I understand it can be of anything...so long as you take and post one.


The biggest part of this resolution, though, is to spend more face or phone time with all of you.  While I love keeping up with my people on FB, blogger, text etc. I'm not loving that it's taken the place of real life relationship.  The people I love are important to me.  Important enough that I will MAKE the time for you.  At some point people stopped calling/checking in/visiting etc.  Most people had good intentions...not wanting to bother us during really hard times of our lives.  Regardless, I feel disconnected and lonely.  I'm done wondering why, feeling neglected and/or blaming.  I'm making the time and effort to change a part of my life I don't like.  I need my people.  Period.

Why am I sharing this instead of just doing it?  Good question.  Accountability and help.  I need you to hold me accountable.  I also may need help getting back in to the habit of being connected.  At the risk of sounding pathetic, I'm pretty self conscious and don't want to 'bug' people or force a relationship that they don't desire.  So, help me out and call me, invite me to coffee, or even our family to a BBQ/gathering/etc.

Last, but never least, I feel like I need to thank all of you again for loving our family through these last several years.  If you're still around, you've seen us through a lot.  We've spent most of the past 10 years in survival mode.  It's hard to invest in anything when you're struggling to keep your head above water.  If you're still here, loving us, thank you.

Let's make this year beautiful.  Mmmm'kay?

Win a Cricut...

http://www.favecrafts.com/sweeps/Cricut-Expression-2-Anniversary-Edition-Giveaway#

I am the proud owner of a Cricut Cake.   Granted, because of my health issues I've yet to really get into using it.  Now that I'm feeling better I'm really wanting to use it, but my original intent was to buy a Cricut paper cutter as well.  I had every intention of coordinating greeting cards and baked goods with all the amazing Cricut cartridges.  Like most gals these days, though, I'm having a really hard time justifying squeezing a 'toy' into our tight budget.  Wouldn't it be SO fun to WIN one?  Yeah, I think so to.  You can't win if you don't enter.  Good Luck!

http://www.favecrafts.com/sweeps/Cricut-Expression-2-Anniversary-Edition-Giveaway#

Shamrocking...TEAM #9500.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=145622505498009


How to register:

Your team number is 9500.  Below are some instructions to help you assist your teammates in registering.  Please let me know if you have any questions.

Go to:

http://www.shamrockrunportland.com/

Click on the orange box that says:

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER ONLINE 
SHAMROCK HOODED SWEATSHIRTS FOR SALE, TOO

Select category:

Team Option - 15 or more $27.00

Don’t forget to check this box:

I understand and agree to the waiver and release*

JUST CLICK CONTINUE ON THIS PAGE:

If you have a Discount Code, please enter it here:

Fill out all your registration information and don’t forget to put your team number here:

Team Registration Number* (Children age 12 and younger can be on a Team if the team has at least 15 members who are age 13 or older).

Blog on the back burner...

A HUGE thanks goes out to DragonLeaf .
http://www.dragonleafphotography.com/

So many things are on the back burner right now.  To be quite honest I'm not even sure if we HAVE front burners at this point.  :)  Mama's chemo schedule (if your head is spinning visit: www.ChemoMom.blogspot.com)is taking up a little more time each cycle.  Thankfully we're almost half way through!  YES!

 Mama's super proud of her 3 favorite guys.  They've adjusted well to not being able to lean on mom quite so much these days.  That, in big part, is because their daddy has stepped up in a big way for them.  *swoon*  Really, these people I've been blessed with are amazing.  Even my Hadley, who has been gone nearly 2 years, is still blessing me.  Feeling the way I do...wanting to call it quits...being stretched way too thin...makes me a scosh grumpy.  Then, I think of my amazing girl...her crooked smile, her love of people, the pure joy she found in the simplest things, how tough she was when we had to put her through hell to try and save her.  I fall WAY short of the example she set but, I can strive.  These four people make this mama better.

To backtrack a bit...we had a good, busy, crazy summer.  The boys spent nearly a month with G'ma and G'pa Fox.  Mama's surgery and cancer diagnosis was something they wanted to be FAR from.  So, they sought refuge at G'ma's house.  :)  Mama wishes she could have run away too.

We moved out of Portland and into the 'burbs.  This move took place days after my release from the hospital following major abdominal surgery removing large portions of my colon and small intestine...and just before Brandon's L4/L5 fusion, so we were both restricted to lifting no more than about 10-15 lbs.  Needless to say we hired movers.  We did all the packing and prep (with the help of a few loyal and amazing friends and family members) and then left all the heavy lifting for the pros.  The bill at the end of moving day nearly put me in shock...but, was SO worth it.  That move put us in a much better neighborhood, a much bigger single family home (with a yard), and a great school district/neighborhood school for the same amount of money we were paying in the city for a townhouse. We decided, prior to this move that it was time to move the boys to public school.  So far we have had a wonderful experience.  The boys have adjusted well and are thriving in their new environment.  We are pleased with their teachers and the amount of time and energy they are putting into the education of EACH child.   I really feel like this move was absolutely best for our family.  <3

The boys started school on September 7th.  Keegan is in 3rd grade, Liam is in 1st.  This is quite unbelievable to me.  These crazy guys have grown up SO fast.  They are loving school.  Their favorite parts of the day are riding the bus and recess.  Surprise!  *snort*  They're both making new friends and are enjoying the change.

Just after school started Mama started Chemo and The Mister had his surgery.  Thankfully, for all parties involved, Gramma drove out and stayed for almost two weeks to help and keep us sane.  I'm fairly certain we still owe her a FULL day at a spa to help her recover.  <3  The Mister's surgery went exactly as planned and he was home in record time.  He's been a trooper and a half...and has had to do way more around the house than he probably should have.  His next follow up is on Monday.  He'll have Xrays and find out what the next several weeks will look like for him.  His brace may be dc'd, he may be going back to work etc.  We'll see what the good doc has to say about his films.  I'm still not breathing exactly right...not until he gets the 'all clear' that his back problem is 'fixed' and he's fit for full duty.  I'll update next week on this.

In mid October I was able to fly to Northern Idaho for five glorious days with my bestie.  Her friend Jennifer and I threw her a Halloween theme baby shower for Littlest Sister.  It was so fun!  Plus, I got to lay around and be lazy with my bestie (she's on modified bed rest...and I'm a lazy slob).  I loved the slower pace of this trip.  Getting to spend some 'quiet' time with her kiddos was so nice.  I fell like I haven't been able to do that since we all moved.  It was nice to reconnect.  This girl is an amazing mama...and it shines in her kids...even when they're making her crazy.  ;)  I love you friend, and can't wait for the next visit...but, will, so let's keep that baby baking...M'kay?!?

Halloween/Fall 

It's always way more fun to just show you pics of this time of year.  ;)

Liam's field trip to Liepold Farms.  

Pumpkin Carving.  Liam's a scosh too excited.

That's better...

Keegan showing an appropriate amount
 of anticipation.

Thar be the pumpkin guts.

The Mister and the boys making messes
and loving every minute.

Murphy had to get in on the fun.
He's a ferocious Shark.

The Mister always knew The Mama needed
a Witch hat...now it's finally happened.  <3

My guys on Halloween Night.  <3

Halloween Party Night.
Because we value cake in this house.
Maybe a little too much.  ;)

Liam 11/1/10
Perseverance Award

Our last 'order of business' is honoring Mr Liam.  He was given a Character Education Award for the month of November.  The character trait is Perseverance.  In the assembly some of the students helped to define perseverance as:  Never giving up, trying again and again and again, and always keeping on going.  That sounds like my boy to me.  <3  We love you and are so proud of you little man.  You are SO wise for your age.

Liam receiving his award from his
Principle.

I Just Won 50 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

I Just Won 50 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

Chemo Mom...

I have created a separate blog for all of my Chemo/Cancer related blabbing.
www.ChemoMom.blogspot.com

Feel free to stop by...or not.  <3

Cowboys...

The boys are in Idaho with the grandparents this week. They were treated to the rodeo AND new clothes. :)



Are they not the most handsome boys EVER? Gosh I miss their faces.

Let's Do The Time Warp AAAAgaaaaaaiiiinnnn...

How does that one go? Come on now...don't be shy. I KNOW you know it. *wink*

It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again!

Ok, now just TRY and get that song out of your head for the rest of the day. *You'reWelcome*

My last blog post was February 13th. It is now *ahem* June 8th. The boys are in their last week of school and we're hitting the ground running this summer. I honestly don't even know where to begin in catching everyone up. Has anything happened in the last four months? It never feels like it...but, oh yes...there's always SOMETHING going on here. *snicker*

February
Mama's blood struggles continued to make her crazy.


We brought home our sweet Murphy Boy



We went to see Walking With Dinosaurs *eeeeeek*




Our friends Chris and Dawn got remarried <3




March

Mama's car was broken into. *sigh*



My sweet niece, Anastaysja, turned 3. Yes! THREE.



Mama and The Mister celebrated 10 years of wedded-ness with a week on Oahu! (we even accidentally found ourselves on the set of LOST! F'real!!!)





The morning after returning from Hawaii we all did a 5k in memory of our Hadley Bug. The boys and I walked and The Mister ran. Go mister, go.




Our sweet Murphy fell victim to a TERRIBLE grooming job at Petco. Poor humiliated Murph.



***Spring Break***
We got to take the cousins to the zoo.



We went to Oaks Park.



...and the boys spent some time in Idaho with the fam. :)


April

Cousin Reagan turned ONE!



We made a trip to Orofino (aka 1985) for Morgan's 7th birthday!!!



Liam played Spring Soccer.



Mama turned...*ahem* had a birthday...and The Mister threw her a party at The Rheinlander. (I know, right?!?)



May

We went to Olympia for the ceremony adding Pop Pop's name to the Washington State Law Enforcement Memorial.



While we were up there we went to The Great Wolf Lodge!!!



Over Memorial Day we went camping at Champoeg State Park. The mister had duty so, The Mama played "single Mama" and decided that camping is for when BOTH mom and dad can go...at least until the boys are a LITTLE older. Overall, it was a fun trip though. ;)



June...

It's only the 8th of June and so far this month...Liam has broken a finger, The mister has bought a 'new' truck, and Liam has survived a nasty looking spider bite.

We still have 2 1/2 days of school, Camp, and Uncle Brandon and Megan's wedding on the books. I will TRY to be better about blogging. Maybe, then, it won't take me so long to update. *sigh*

Hope your week is a good one.

A grateful gripe...

Ok so the gratefulness and the gripe are kind of separate but, for some reason that little oxymoron was stuck in my head. So, there ya go. You're welcome.

First, thank you. Thank you friends, family, loyal readers and supporters (BOTH of you *snort*) for your thoughts and prayers during the past several months. December was hard. My surgery that shouldn't have been a big deal...and then was. The deep vein thrombosis that turned into multiple DVT's. My stubborn blood that refused to anti-coagulate. Bed rest. More bed rest. Oh, are you doing better, could it be?...oh, no...more bed rest. That, believe it or not was the easy part. December 12th marked the one year anniversary of our sweet girl's death. We spent Thanksgiving and the entire Christmas season without her. We welcomed the second year that she never lived in. I had really hoped that January was the turning point. Starting January 1st we would shake off the funk that December brought and get well...and happy...and I would return to school. Everything was moving in the right direction. Then...

January 3rd Hadley's Pop Pop, my mom's husband, was killed in an accident while on duty with the Grant County Sheriff's Office. He was killed immediately. Thank you for surrounding my mom, step brothers and all of our family in your prayer and love. Please continue to do so. Grief is hard, hard work.


Now, so as to make myself look like a total jerk I'm going to complain and say that I am ToTALLY ready for my doctor to clear me for exercise again. I don't even care if it's low impact. I would settle for walking on a treadmill or water aerobics. Seriously. I have gained an ungodly amount of weight in a ridiculously short amount of time. I am back near my heaviest weight ever. It's really hard to face this and not feel like I've failed myself.

I have a follow up appointment with my hematologist on 2/18/10 (Thursday) to, hopefully, get the results of all the blood work they did and to repeat my CBC and talk about treatment options for my anemia and overall crappy blood counts. They were looking for a suspected blood disease/disorder that could be causing the clots and/or the resistance to treatment. There was brief mention of "the C word" but, I ignored that entirely. *wink*

So, there are my thanks, my gripes and my plea for further prayers.

Have a happy Valentine's Day. DOn't take your loved ones for granted. Take this Hallmark created day to let your loved ones just how much you adore them...even if you don't spend a dime...ESPECIALLY if you don't spend a dime. Love your people!!!

Prayers.

My mom's husband died in an accident while on duty last night. He was a Grant County, Wa Sheriff's Deputy. Very little is known about what happened yet. Please keep both my mom and John's sons and our entire family in your prayers. Thank you so much.

(Hadley and Pop Pop. Summer '05.)

2010.

Hello, and happy new year! We managed to survive the holidays. This was our second Christmas without our girl. The pain was different this year. In many ways it cut a lot deeper. That first Christmas Hadley had only been gone for 2 weeks. We were still in such shock. Anyway, we survived. She was missed every single minute but, we take great comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain and with the only being who can love her more perfectly than we can.

First, thank you for your prayers for our marriage. After much reflection and soul searching Brandon and I decided that it is in everyone's best interest for us to give our marriage the chance it deserves to survive. We are working on ourselves as individuals and on our marriage as a couple. We have a lot of work to do, both individually and together but, we are determined to grow closer through this. We thank you for your thoughts and prayers during this time. We both have so much on our plates, emotionally. Parenting our boys and aiding in their grief process, our own grief, personal growth and investing in and repairing our marriage. Exhausting but, like I said, we're determined.

Liam turned 6 on November 17th. Where does the time go. Wasn't Liam JUST 'baby Liam'? *tear* He is doing wonderfully in Kindergarten. He is a good friend and is meeting and surpassing all academic expectations. He was rewarded for displaying the character quality of FAITH this school year. We are so proud of him. He's really growing into quite the little man. A mischievous little man but, a man nonetheless.

Keegan will be 8 in just a few weeks (Jan 18th). Again, I just can't believe it. Sometimes when I'm watching them play I just sit and shake my head because I can't believe how much they've grown. Keegan is doing well at school too. His reading/comprehension scores are well beyond his grade level at 98 words per minute. He is reading chapter books with ease and fast enough that we are going to have to start accessing the library more often, or buy stock in Barnes and Noble. ;) Keegan received the character award for displaying INTEGRITY. Again, we are so proud of him. He is a very kind hearted young man and such a blessing.

Brandon is a coxswain at the station now. This means, basically, that he is in charge of a crew and drives the boats. He is responsible for responding to calls and his crew. He worked hard for quite some time for this. It is also a big step toward his next promotion. I am very proud of all his hard work. He is really enjoying this billet and seems to have found his niche.


As many of you know I've had some health issues recently. On December 4th I had a very simple knee repair surgery. My lateral meniscus was torn and needed to be cleaned up. The surgery went exactly as expected and was successful. A few days after surgery, though, I was in the ER with a lot of pain and swelling in my calf. I was diagnosed with a DVT (deep vein thrombosis or blood clot in a deep vein). I was started on blood thinners (and pain meds) immediately. Over the course of the rest of the month my dose of blood thinners was raised repeatedly but, lab work continues to show that my blood is still at a very high risk of clotting. Late in the month I developed two more DVT's (for a total of 3), this time at the knee and in my thigh. Currently I am on both an oral and subcutaneous injection blood thinners(for those in the medical field I'm up to 9mg/day of coumadin and 240mg/day Lovenox). I am on bed rest to prevent a pulmonary embolism and am at the doctor's office every other day for labs and doctor's visits to monitor and adjust everything. I have been restricted from driving because of the risk involved with my using my leg and the clots there...and also the danger involved with a pulmonary embolism happening while I'm behind the wheel (both to me and my passengers and the cars and pedestrians around me). For whatever reason, despite heavy doses of anticoagulants I am still at a high risk to develop more clots (last pro-time lab was 1.13). Please keep us in your prayers where this is concerned. I would really love to avoid any more clots, any complications with the coumadin and lovenox (meds) and, obviously, a pulmonary embolism would be a real pain too. Please pray for Brandon as he cares for the boys and I. Pray for my doctors as they care for me. Be thankful with us for the graciousness of Brandon's command. I am trying my best to ignore the seriousness of this situation. I just refuse to acknowledge that our family could really be put through anything else...

I'll get some pictures up soon.

Faith, Hope and Love to you all. <3

Yes, Brandon and I are separated. That's about all most people need to know. The rest is between us. We are still great friends and there wasn't any huge drama. Yes, we realize we are grieving and no, we aren't making any huge decisions right now. Yes, we have talked about this with our boys and have encouraged them to ask questions etc. Our separation is not a secret but it IS a private matter. We ask that you respect that and pray for us. I assure you that God will know what we need even in you don't have all the details. ;)

Please understand that our hearts are broken, our lives have been up-heaved...and we need some time to help things settle. I'm sorry for being so blunt...and for the fact that many of you will find out about our separation this way. Please remember that we are trying to keep things positive for the boys. Little ears always hearing...so please choose your words carefully. The last thing either Brandon or I want is for the boys to hurt any more than they have already had to. We always have their best interest at heart in every small and large decision we make.

Thank you for your support during this difficult time.
Angela

Yes, Brandon and I are separated. That's about all most people need to know. The rest is between us. We are still great friends and there wasn't any huge drama. Yes, we realize we are grieving and no, we aren't making any huge decisions right now. Yes, we have talked about this with our boys and have encouraged them to ask questions etc. Our separation is not a secret but it IS a private matter. We ask that you respect that and pray for us. I assure you that God will know what we need even in you don't have all the details. ;)

Please understand that our hearts are broken, our lives have been up-heaved...and we need some time to help things settle. I'm sorry for being so blunt...and for the fact that many of you will find out about our separation this way. Please remember that we are trying to keep things positive for the boys. Little ears always hearing...so please choose your words carefully. The last thing either Brandon or I want is for the boys to hurt any more than they have already had to. We always have their best interest at heart in every small and large decision we make.

Thank you for your support during this difficult time.
Angela

Not ME...

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


First, and foremost, I am NOT blogging my Not Me Monday post a day late. Not Me. I am punctual. *wink*

When my five year old brought me an Instead cup out if it's wrapper this morning, inquiring as to what it was, I did NOT lie to him. I believe in being honest with your children and giving them accurate information on their level. I do not believe in lying to your children to save yourself time, embarrassment etc. at their expense. So, of course I didn't lie to my sweet, curious boy.

I did not allow my children to eat brownies for breakfast their first morning home from camp. I am firm in my rules because children thrive in an environment where they know what to expect and what is expected of them. I wouldn't offer my kids eggs and then walk out of the room with an open dish of brownies sitting on the counter when they balk at their other options. Furthermore, it certainly wasn't me who answered "I don't care...go ahead...just don't make a big mess..." when my angelic children actually foiled my plan of 'ignoring' the brownie situation by ASKING FOR PERMISSION to eat brownies for breakfast. I would never...nope, it wasn't me!

I did NOT go to the bank first thing this morning thinking it was the first of the month, and therefore pay day, and nearly have a heart attack when I saw our account balance. I am level headed and respond well to stressful situations. Not to mention the fact that I am all kinds of on top of things so, of course I know that the first, and pay day, is TOMORROW. I simply wouldn't make those mistakes. Not ME!

I did not go to Portland International Airport this morning bra-less, in sweats and with two children without shoes and in their jammies in tow. We all know that a good mom is ready for any situation no matter what time it is. This mommy would never do that...must have been someone else you saw because it certainly wasn't me!

So...all of you who think I am hiding a cape...Now you know the truth...Not Me! =)